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robdelaney rob delaney

I bet before they invented sign language, deaf people would rub a hot dog on a pretty flower to let each other know they wanted to do sex.

10 hours ago Reply Retweet Favorite 428

madeasimmons_ Madea Simmons

How come when your wife is pregnant, people rub her tummy and say "congratulations" but no one rubs your balls and says, "good job"?

2 hours ago Reply Retweet Favorite 267

joshgroban josh groban

Has anyone ever put vapo-rub on your chest AND back? Holy over-the-counter, it feels like there's a hole in your body! #cheapthrill

9 hours ago Reply Retweet Favorite 162

cadygroves cady groves

I just bought 50 shades of grey in an airport. Gonna rub one out for my entire 4 hour flight.

7 hours ago Reply Retweet Favorite 24

funnyorrelate Laugh!

Touch it gently, put 2 fingers inside, if its wide use 3, make sure its wet and rub up and down.... yep thats how you wash a cup

7 hours ago Reply Retweet Favorite 303

thefuckingcat The Fucking Cat

No one's home for a while. Will re-enact scenes from Full Metal Jacket and then rub my privates over all the pillows.

11 hours ago Reply Retweet Favorite 36

pisces_women Pisces Women

Pieces of her ex's personality tend to rub off and stick with #PiscesWomen...

6 minutes ago Reply Retweet Favorite 32

uberbullshite UberFucks

When you have got sun burn the best way to stop the pain is to rub spunk in your face.

4 hours ago Reply Retweet Favorite 55

marilynmonroeas Marilyn Monroe

Why are you talking to me when you have a girlfriend? Don't rub it in my face.

4 hours ago Reply Retweet Favorite 21

wowfactz WoW Facts

Those stars and colors you see when you rub your eyes are called phosphenes.

15 hours ago Reply Retweet Favorite 16

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