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Author of Shit My Dad Says and, coming May 15th, my new book I Suck At Girls. My dad's in it, don't worry. This account is where I publish the shit that he says
189 Posts by shitmydadsays
189 Posts by shitmydadsays
How the
gq.com/blogs/the-feed/2013/02/how-the-shit-my-dad-says-dad-celebrates-valentines-day.html?mbid=so...
A short story about why my dad doesn't celebrate Valentine's day: http://t.co/RSn7RlvX
"I like babies, just saying they live inside a host body and feed off it. That's a parasite...Yes, I could raise a tape worm and love it."
"The 1st amendment doesn't say I have to listen to bullshit. Just 'cause farting's legal don't mean I gotta shove my nose in your asshole."
"No. You don't read news. You read stuff you agree with. Just because somebody's shit smells like yours, doesn't mean it's not still shit."
I Suck at Girls By Justin Halpern
isuckatgirlsbook.com/
"No Father's day gifts. Just write me a card...Of course I'm kidding. Buy me shit, I created you." (New book out now: http://t.co/mJOlfJRZ)
"We ain't a sharp species. We kill each other over arguments about what happens when you die, then fail to see the fucking irony in that."
You Will Never Sleep With a Woman Who Looks Like That
grantland.com/story/_/id/7929543/a-memoir-little-league-pornography-creator-sh*t-my-dad-says
"Any idiot can get lucky once. Takes a special idiot to get lucky twice." New book #ISuckAtGirls out today. An excerpt: http://t.co/e7MIjXgl
"No. Politicians don't wanna scare you, they wanna keep you stupid. Fear is just the smell when ignorance takes a shit."
Just a reminder, my new book "I Suck At Girls" is available for pre-order. (Thanks to for the cover quote)
files.harpercollins.com/Mktg/ItBooks/isuckatgirls4_17.html
"No. I like talking, I just hate people. If I could find other shit to talk to, I'd be all for it." Pre-order new book http://t.co/NMNaDkNc
Just a reminder, my new book "I Suck At Girls" is available for pre-order. (Thanks to for the cover quote)
files.harpercollins.com/Mktg/ItBooks/isuckatgirls4_17.html
"No, you can be ugly and get laid. You just gotta be willing to screw someone uglier than you." Pre-order new book: http://t.co/NMNaDkNc
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